I Beg Your Pardon! Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

by Mike Lally on August 10, 2012

How important is it to communicate effectively? In fact, it could well be that your market value, job security, and ultimate success are in direct proportion to the quality of your ability to communicate. Let’s face it, whether you are selling your services, products, ideas or competing for business, you are always selling you.

We readily accept that sales people face a number of challenges and will need to sharpen their skills in the many functional areas of sales. Skills in areas such as consultative and relationship selling, prospecting for new business, handling sales enquiries, sales presentation skills, closing the sale skills, handling objections, selling to different psychological types, negotiating skills, time management skills, goal setting skills and personal motivation skills can be critical. What about other occupations? Still true, isn’t it?

Consider the following possibilities: Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you really needed to influence or persuade someone to do something that was very important to you, but you simply didn’t have the right words to make it happen at the time? Have you ever been in a position where there was an opportunity to say precisely the right thing to someone in a face-to-face situation, but you stumbled and found yourself babbling with a confused response? Have you walked away from an experience regretting that you didn’t think to say the one thing that would have caught the moment absolutely perfectly? You later think: “Why didn’t I think to say…” Have you previously consented to something and then later found yourself amazed and shocked that you had agreed to do it? Afterwards, on reflection, you are forced to consider: “How on earth did I fall for that?”

Unfortunately, sometimes you only have one chance to get a message across and get it right. Then the moment is gone, and gone forever. Miss the boat and the opportunity disappears and the recriminations start.

Essentially, what has taken place? You have been the victim of hypnotic communication. You have either not had the linguistic dexterity required, or somebody else has used those skills on you. Will you succeed next time? Maybe, maybe not, but there is one certainty: The difference that makes the difference is having the power of influence and persuasion at your fingertips, primed and ready to use in any context. No matter what you want to achieve it is vital to build successful relationships with all kinds of people. Whether it is in a business setting, socially, or at home, being skilled in the art and psychology of persuasion and influence is vital.

So, is there a way, perhaps some kind of secret weapon that can be used to avoid such frustrating situations? What can be learned to enable you to take advantage of a given situation? Perhaps the one over-riding skill that needs to be mastered is the ability to persuade and influence people. Get this right and everything else falls into place. What do you think?

Does a word mean what it says? Not always! Conversational hypnosis uses purposely vague language to cause a person you are communicating with to go inside and access their own mind to search for their own interpretation of what is meant. When the message received is non-specific or ambiguous the mind will naturally extract the most appropriate meaning according to the listener’s view of the world. We do this automatically when incomplete information is received. We simply second guess and view the world subjectively.

Have you ever been with a person who has the irritating habit of finishing your sentences as you draw breath? They are doing the same thing. The mind is swifter than the voice and often we can’t help ourselves. Well, if all this is true, what are the skills of persuasion that can be learned? Funnily enough there is a way to gather these skills and it has been around forever.

What is the way forward? Begin to become familiar with a form of language based on hypnosis; let’s call it conversational hypnosis. Adding a few “hidden” commands and presuppositions to your language skills can really ramp up your skills of persuasion. Instead of clearly stating something, introduce ambiguity and softeners. This will allow a person to make their own assumptions and interpret for themselves what they want something to mean. These and other techniques can be of real benefit because your view will always be accepted.

So, begin to use softeners such as maybe, perhaps, imagine and phrases such as  “Think how wonderful you’ll feel when you…”

Examples:  “Can you imagine how wonderful you’ll feel when you master this skill?”

“What’s it like when you get enthusiastic?”

“Perhaps it’s time to consider another approach to this problem. What do you think?”

“Think how wonderful you’ll feel when you double your profits!”

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